I feel like writing.
You don’t understand. This is huge.
I haven’t felt like writing fiction (specifically working on my novel) since last Fall.
I have this stupid thing that happens when I get stressed or frustrated at life. I ignore the writer inside of me. It’s stupid, and I honestly can’t explain why, but it happens.
I have felt emotionally dry and drained for the last several months.
Have I become bitter? Slightly. I’ve been burned and spurned by some I was supposed to be able to trust. But I can’t let that ruin me.
This past week, I watched my facebook feed as I saw OYANers leaving for the SW, and feeling conflicting emotions. I know I didn’t have the money. I know I had to pay for school, but I felt this aching in the pit of my stomach, like home and family was calling to me, but I wasn’t able to answer.
I saw the emotional posts after it was over, and watched the pictures showing up one by one. That’s when the emotions kicked in. Oh my goodness. I wasn’t at the workshop. I missed the WW, now I’ve missed the SW too. I haven’t seen some of my best friends in a year. I just wanted to hug some OYANers.
But these emotions still didn’t break through my bitterness.
Then I watched Thor.
You may have read my “Loki Feels” from earlier tonight. That was the first time I had cried in awhile. Really cried. I felt all these… emotions. Then I saw a video from the SW. More tears. And this unexplainably joyful feeling. I wanted to write. I felt my charries nudging me for the first time in almost a year. “Hey, we’re still here. We know you’ve been hurting. But guess what? That’s what your story needed.”
So, thank you OYAN Family. Your emotions. Your tears. Your pictures. Your support… It’s making me want to write again.